you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
