Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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