Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
