what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
