can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
