Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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