you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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