I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
