yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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