def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His nipple licking is glorious
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