if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
