why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
