Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
