Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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