Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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