So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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