Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
