i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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