i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
