Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
should my penis look like a turkey
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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