I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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