Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You pole danced in your parka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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