explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
