Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
