I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
