their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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