i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
