There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
