Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
