ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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