i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
