Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
