I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
