apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
