I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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