I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
