i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
