How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dignity is for republicans.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
