I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
