Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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