Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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