did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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