At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
