why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
