I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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