Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
