i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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