Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
