All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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