dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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