Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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