I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
