I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
