the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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