Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
