he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
