Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
