You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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