How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
