The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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