I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
