I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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