I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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