first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
now i know why i became what i already was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
