Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
