Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
